Monday, 8 June 2015

Incalls - ID verification

Although I’m happy to take enquiries via private email or mobile, for my security and peace of mind, before I can confirm the booking I will need to know that you are who you say you are. I shall need your full name, address, and you to call me from your landline. I’ll then look you up in Directory Enquiries and hopefully I’ll find you there. Please don’t worry, the call only needs to be long enough for the number to show on my mobile so there is no need for us to have a chat if it’s awkward for you, and I will NEVER call you back on that number unless you ask me to. If you get straight through to voicemail please DO NOT leave a message or your number won't show. Simply hang up immediately and Orange will text me your number (unless it’s withheld).

If this is not possible, or you are ex-directory, I’m also happy to accept some forms of email ID verification provided it has your name and address on it, e.g. utility bills (you can blank out the private bits if you like), emailed receipts. Needless to say, this information is for my personal security, and will never be divulged. Any problems or concerns let me know and I’ll try and work something out so we can meet.

I’ll also accept calls to/from work phones (provided they too are listed in Directory Enquiries or on a company website), or emails from company addresses such as "".

So just choose which option suits you:
  • A call to or from your home or work landline (if not ex-directory) OR
  • Emailed (scanned from a paper copy or a forwarded message) receipt or utility bill (with your name and address on it), OR
  • An email from an email address linked to a company website, eg

I realise I am very strict with ID verification and understand that could put you off, but all I ask is that before you get in touch with me you feel OK with going through this procedure, thanks. There are no exceptions to this rule, no matter how nice you sound, sorry.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

I'm leaving Leominster!

My last day accepting bookings in Leominster will be Friday 20th June, after which I will be having time off to settle in to my new neighbourhood in Stourbridge, West Midlands. Only once I’ve been there a while will I know what I can and can’t offer, but I shall keep my website updated. What I predict is that, for discretionary reasons, I will probably only offer incalls of 2 or more hours, and shall be part time. More details will be posted on here or on my website in due course.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Sometimes I go red

My hair that is. When I started in the escort business, many years ago, my barnet was the colour of a polished conker. Sort of mahogany in hue, and I loved it. But then I got bored and decided it was time for a change, so I went blonde. But you know what, I’ve been blonde for a few years now and I’ve steadily grown tired of it, so a couple of days ago I went from blonde to a mixture of blonde and red. It wasn’t quite how I’d envisaged when I was describing it to my stylist, but I’m not too embarrassed by it to be seen without a hat…or feel the need to shave all my hair off ;-) It’s not too bad, really it’s not. However, this slight change of image now means I need to have new photos taken…and I really hate having my photo taken! So please bear with me as it may take a week or two to put new pics on my website. I hope this post serves as a little warning that if you’d set your heart on meeting blonde Lara, then I’m afraid she’s gone on an extended break, possibly never to return. The new and improved conker-headed Lara would be happy to meet you though :-)

Thursday, 7 June 2012

The Land of Lost Content

Huh? The what? That’s what I thought too when I picked up the leaflet in my local Tourist information office. Many times I’ve heard people admit to not exploring their local area, even though there may be many interesting places to visit and things to see, and I’m no exception. But recently I decided this had to change, starting with an outing to this intriguing museum in Craven Arms, Shropshire (just north of Ludlow). All I can say is that I LOVED IT! Well, it was more like “Wow, that was amazing, I must tell as many people about it as possible!”

 “The Land of Lost Content” is the world's largest archive of 20th century popular culture. This online resource is the result of a lifetime of collecting by Stella and her husband Dave. It’s a shrine to the British way of life, from the Victorians through the Twentieth Century”

 “The museum is housed on three floors of a Victorian market hall. Everything falls under 32 main headings including schooldays, food and beverages, cooking and cleaning, teenagers and national service, nursery years, toys and games, hardware, confectionery, cigarettes and tobacco, travel and transport, holidays, photography, hairdressing and cosmetics, film and theatre, clothing and shoes, fashion, pop music, sports and pass-times, radio and television, home front, etc. In fact – everything we, our parents, our grandparents and our children, owned, used, played with and threw away.”

In this YouTube video, Danny Wallace featured the museum in 2009 on the TV programme “Brilliant Britain” and it will give you a very good idea of what it’s like...

It’s well worth a visit, preferably with someone as you will find yourself wanting to say “I had one of those!” or “I remember that!” excitedly every few seconds. A very nice pot of tea and slice of homemade cake can be enjoyed in their tearoom too. All I would say is that I found the temperature quite cool in there (but in fairness I do feel the cold) so next time I go I will wrap up more. But there will definitely be a next time.

Monday, 4 June 2012

A little FAQ for you...

I quite often get asked questions so thought it was about time I wrote a little FAQ…

“Are you ok with someone who's larger than average?”
Do you mean you are very tall, very rotund, or have a big cock?

“What's the biggest penis you've taken? I'd like to know before booking to see if I'm bigger”.
I’ve never taken a penis, I always give them back at the end of appointments. What do you think I am, a thief! The biggest one I’ve had was two inches long and the width of a Cadbury’s chocolate finger, and it was a tight fit (now he can feel like a sex god, LOL). My muff is like a mouse’s ear I’ll have you know.

 “Do you masturbate and when did you last do it?”
Yesterday…in Morrisons…in the cake isle. Oh, c’mon, it was a Thornton’s chocolate celebration cake. I now shop elsewhere.

“I expect you'll be getting fucked by your boyfriend this evening so at least it’s not both of us that will be missing out”. (after I was unable to fit someone in at short notice)
“Obviously kept for your private life” (after I said a service wasn’t available)
Oh my god, they’ve obviously bugged my home and are also filming me so know what I do in my private life! Damn spooks!

“Could I come and watch you get fucked by your partner? I presume that's why you finish at 3pm on Fridays?”
No to the first question, and to the second, unless you are one of those spooks who secretly films me you really shouldn’t assume to know anything about me. For your information at 3.15pm every Friday I move my car into the road outside my house, climb on the bonnet naked and give the neighbours a toy show, and they get disappointed if I’m not there on time, so I’m afraid I can’t work late on a Friday.

“can I book some time with you and watch you getting fucked by your partner?”
I’m afraid my partner is completely separate from my escort work so is not available to join me, sorry.

“if I make a booking with you would you tell me the kind of things you get up to sexually in your private life with your boyfriend?”
Hmm, no. The clue is in the word “private”.
“Is he good in bed? Better than clients?” (regarding my partner)
“You don't offer owo or cim but do you ever do cim in private life?”
[serious head]These are the sorts of questions that I really want to answer “None of your business!” Although I am an open person, my private life is strictly off limits, especially regarding my partner, OK [/serious head]

“How often do you orgasm with a client though? And do you get naturally wet?”
Discussions about arousal and orgasms are a minefield; if I said “it’s unlikely I’ll orgasm with you” I’ll probably be labelled frigid, or someone who doesn’t allow myself to come with clients for all sorts of psychological reasons, but if I said “it’s likely I will come with you” and I don’t, then I could either be considered a liar (just telling you what you want to hear perhaps) or you’ll possibly get a complex about why I didn’t with you. What I will say though is that the more pressure I feel to orgasm the less chance it’ll happen; call it performance pressure if you like. So IMO it’s much better to go with the flow, relax, and see what happens with no expectations. I am responsive if you press the right buttons (waving a Fondant Fancy under my nose tends to get me excited), and I can show you where they are if you meet me (rather than get into a titillating conversation via email).

“I really get off on hearing what you've got up to with other clients that day/week. Are you ok with telling me those kind of things by email?”
When I said No, I was accused of offering a service that was “a bit odd and impersonal” because I don’t offer any titillating sexy chat via email, text or phone. I thought that was what sex chat lines were for. Plus I don’t think it’s right to discuss my experiences with other clients.

“can we start things off with a shower together?”
Sorry, I don’t offer shared showers or baths, but you’re welcome to strip in my driveway while I hose you down with the jet wash if you like.

“Mind if I ask what colour your pussy is? what shade of pink?”
Next time I’m in B&Q I will pick up some paint charts and put an accurate description on my website. But to give you an idea it’s like an angel’s tongue, as sweet as a cherub’s breath, and when I open my legs harps play. If you don’t like harps I can also channel my iPod and play what you like, or I can set my pussy to mute.

“Have you had a good fuck this morning?” followed in another email by, “Are you having a fuck this afternoon?”
No, I was hoovering the dog this morning (well, he is moulting), and picking up Dulux paint charts this afternoon (steady now, don’t get too excited). I like to live life on the edge.

“I'd like to do is put 3 fingers inside you and then wolf whistle a few times. Will you let me do that?”
OK. But I will have to wear ear protectors because the last person that wolf whistled near me made my ears hurt!

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Talk the talk or walk the walk?

Over the years in this business I have discovered a few things; there are those who seem to like to talk about meeting and those who actually meet me. This has been highlighted over the past few weeks with the type of enquiries I’ve been getting, and although I have a fun, chatty, playful streak I prefer to keep booking arrangements more businesslike. If you’re concerned I’m not friendly enough just pick up the phone for a chat; you’ll soon see what I’m like. So for the genuine amongst you here are some pointers to avoid being labelled a wrong’un…

  • Being asked questions is par of the course, however, there is a danger of appearing to only be after what I describe as “wank fodder”, where the man asks (often numerous) questions that require titillating details to be divulged. I offer a real life sexual encounter, which works well for those who visit. What I DO NOT offer is emailed wank fodder or a phone sex line. There’s a fine line between potential clients clarifying what they can and can’t do/trying to find out whether we would be a good match, and being a bit of a perv or fishing for (often irrelevant) info. Examples are:

    “I enjoy giving a partner as much pleasure as I receive so can I ask what kind of things excite you?” (This makes great wank fodder so, of course you can ask…when you meet me. I’m happy give you detailed info then).

    I enjoy using my hands and fingers so what's the maximum number your happy taking?” (answering questions like this always opens up correspondence that would be great wank fodder, because no sooner have I replied I will get another email asking “is it OK to do XYZ then?” or “How do you like it?”).

    “Would you describe yourself as tight?”
    (The strange thing is that I can’t recall a single man who’s actually met who has asked this question. Hmmm, funny that eh?)

    Or the best example of someone giving the impression of being after wank fodder that I’ve had for a while. Each time I answered a question he’d ask another (no, he didn’t verify his ID and we never did meet)…
    I'm interested in having a good rimming session with you…I love rimming a lady and enjoy slipping my tongue inside a bit too if that's ok?”

    do you allow any playing with fingers? Not inserting (unless you like that), just stroking and caressing around the hole on the outside?”

    I'd love to put my fingers in your pussy whilst I'm rimming you! You like that then?”

    which position is your favourite to be rimmed in?”

    Does it turn you on having fingers in your pussy at the same time?

    Ever had the urge to have a finger inside your bum?”

The “clever” ones (or should I say, the worst offenders) will ask at least one open question per email thus prolonging the correspondence. What could have taken one five minute phone call has then taken numerous emails and made me question their motives in the process. At what stage do I have to make a judgment on someone’s motives and decide enough’s enough? So, if you would genuinely like to meet, here is an example of a perfect email which is short and to the point, with all the details required:

“Hello [insert escort’s name]

I’ve read your website and am interested in booking some time with you. Are you available on X(day) at X(time) for X(duration) or alternatively [insert other suitable days].


[Your name]”

If you have a specific query (when you are after anything where you are unsure if the lady offers it or not) then something like this is ideal:

“Hello [insert escort’s name]

I’m interested in booking some time with you for tuition as I’d like to become more confident sexually and learn how to be a better lover, to learn techniques such as XYZ to please a woman. What I have in mind is [this that and the other], is that something you offer? If so, are you available on X(day) at X(time) for X(duration) or alternatively [insert other suitable days].


[Your name]”

  • Until we meet, discussions about my personal life i.e. anything about what I do outside of my escort work, is off limits. I can't see why anyone genuine needs to know whether I have lots of orgasms with my partner or whether I like to masturbate when I’m not working, in order to decide whether to meet me or not. Curiosity killed the cat! If you do then please leave a comment explaining.
  • I realise I am very strict with ID verification and understand that would put a fair few of you off, but all I ask is that before you get in touch with me you feel OK with going through this procedure, thanks. Details of the information I will need from you before I can reserve the time you want can be found on the Booking page of my website. There are no exceptions to this rule, no matter how nice you sound, sorry. I get the impression that it’s a sticking point for some, which is very frustrating after batting numerous emails backwards and forwards, deciding on a date and time, only for them to not verify their ID. Of course I have no way of knowing whether these men were serious about meeting and perhaps something cropped up, as they rarely tell me they can no longer make that date we organised. They just go quiet…after lots of “I’ll call tomorrow/I’ll verify my ID soon”. Thankfully I work strictly on a no verification no booking system (so never reserve provisional dates), which at least means I’m not turning real bookings down.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

I love Freecycle and Freegle

“Reduce, reuse, recycle” is meant to be a hierarchy, in order of importance, whereas it appears more importance is often placed on recycling alone. But there is one really simple way of reusing stuff you no longer want, even if you think it’s junk…placing an “offered” advert with your local Freecycle and Freegle group. What I love about it is that it takes a couple of minutes to advertise seemingly useless crap on there and quite often someone will want it. They will even collect it from you so it doesn’t cost a penny, saving you a trip to the dump or the cost of hiring a skip. No money changes hands but it’s a win win situation. I’ve given away lots, including insulation that was removed from a wall in my cottage when the fireplace was restored, wine bottles (people use them for home brewing), old carpets, a wheelbarrow with a flat tyre, and lengths of wood from a dismantled old fence. It's great! :-D